Pushing and pulling

 The hubby is home and Im back at work. Work full time and caregiver full time. Luckily this 30 year old is able to hobble with a cane now from room to room, but, he is dependent on me for all of the day to day stuff. Getting him to appointments, cooking the food, cleaning, caring for the dogs, shoveling the snow (why in the hell is there snow in april?), all after i work my full time job.

Life was pushing me to do more and I was pushing myself to do it, pushing to carry the heavy things by myself.. At that point, I thought I had to do it and I thought i could do it by myself. Looking back I feel blessed that I was able to help; blessed to be able to care for my partner. I wish that I wasn't pushing myself alone for so long, I wish I let others help pull me up... I wish i asked more for a pull.

I didnt have to martyr myself in thinking I had to do this alone. All of the people around me would say “call if you need something” or “Im here if you need me”. I think what people want is for someone to step in and say “I got you”, when sometimes, Our family/friends need us to say “Im ready for help”. 

No one does any of this alone. Ask for help. Doctor offices have access to social workers, social programs offer assistance, if you are lucky you have friends and family waiting in the wings for you to open your arms. If you are at the end of your rope there is a hotline to help make sure you don't let go. 988. 

One day at a time, but its better on this journey with people you love and people who love you. xo

Ask for help to carry the heavy things life throws us, Dont feel like you always gotta pull yourself up carrying a the heavy alone... let your people push the load too.